


The Man with Two Brains

by killerweasel



Series: The Man with Two Brains [1]
Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Gen, crack!fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-18
Updated: 2012-11-18
Packaged: 2017-11-19 00:45:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 909
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/567147
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/killerweasel/pseuds/killerweasel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John never knows what he's going to find when he leaves Sherlock home alone for a few days.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Man with Two Brains

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Русский available: [Человек и его два мозга](https://archiveofourown.org/works/3258857) by [WTF_MOSK](https://archiveofourown.org/users/WTF_MOSK/pseuds/WTF_MOSK)



Title: The Man with Two Brains  
Fandom: _Sherlock_  
Characters: John Watson, Sherlock Holmes  
Word Count: 881  
Rating: PG-13  
A/N: AU after _A Study in Pink_ , crack!fic

“John.”

John muttered something about needing more sleep and attempted to pull the pillow over his head. Sherlock’s voice came again, louder this time. John shifted on the mattress enough to view the doorway to his bedroom. He couldn’t see anyone. What was Sherlock pulling now? John didn’t have the energy for this. He’d just started to drift back to sleep when he heard a very odd skittering sound on the floor.

Leaning over the side of the bed, John saw something headed in his direction. It was maybe two feet tall and glowing blue. John let out a very unmanly noise as he scrambled backwards on the bed. The glowing thing kept coming, seeming to move faster than before. John froze when Sherlock’s voice came out of it.

“Calm down, John. I can explain everything.”

John pinched his arm. It hurt, so he wasn’t dreaming. He turned the light on to get a better look. He blinked a few times. There was a jar containing a human brain balanced on what appeared to be some sort of robot body. It had multiple legs like a spider. John had never seen anything that could even come close to what he was staring at right now. “Sherlock?”

“Yes?” The solution the brain was floating in glowed a faint blue as Sherlock’s voice came out of the speaker on the front.

“You’re a brain in a jar.” John pinched himself again, harder this time. It still hurt.

“Obviously.” The tone made John picture Sherlock giving him the ‘don’t be an idiot’ look.

John took a couple of deep breaths, trying to calm himself. This was insane. He was having a conversation with a disembodied brain. “Why are you a brain in a jar? You certainly weren’t one when I left for the medical conference four days ago.”

The legs of the robot twitched a few times. “Promise you won’t yell at me, John.”

John’s eyes narrowed. When Sherlock said it like that, John knew he was going to be very not happy with whatever would come out of his speaker next. “What did you do, Sherlock?”

“It wasn’t entirely my fault.” The brain began to pace back and forth. “If I had waited for Lestrade and the others, the criminals would have gotten away. They should have come sooner.”

“If you’d waited a few minutes, like a normal, rational person, you wouldn’t be a bloody brain in a jar!” John threw his pillow across the room. “You got yourself killed, didn’t you? One of them killed you. That still doesn’t explain why you’re in a jar.”

“I’m technically still alive, John.” The robot wiggled back and forth. “See? Alive.”

John said nothing. He crossed his arms over his chest and waited.

“Some of Mycroft’s people had been working on this since they saw it in that ridiculous movie series you like so much, the one with the woman who wants to have sex with her brother because she doesn’t know they’re related. Their father breathes oddly and wears black.”

It took John a moment to figure out what Sherlock was referring to. “I didn’t think anyone had the technology to do something like this.”

“I’m the first.” Sherlock sounded rather proud of this. “Mycroft said if it had taken ten minutes longer for them to get my body to the lab, I’d really be dead.”

John felt the color drain from his face. “And no one thought to call me or text to let me know you were... like this?” He gestured at the robot. “That’s more than a bit not good, Sherlock.”

“No one was going to call until we knew if it worked or not. There was a very large probability something would go wrong.” The robot did a little twirl, making John think he should somehow make a tiny little coat for it. “I was going to tell you in the morning after you’d rested, but I decided sooner was better than later.”

Sighing, John got down from the bed and sat on the floor. “Let me get a good look at you, then. Explain to me how all of it works.”

Sherlock started to talk at his usual deducting pace. John stared at the glowing brain. He had a brain for a flatmate. If John didn’t know better, he’d swear Sherlock was enjoying himself more as a brain than he did with a human body. The more he thought about it though, the more it made sense. Sherlock no longer needed to eat or sleep (not that he’d done too much of either of those on a regular basis anyway). Plus he could still go to crime scenes.

John held up a hand, making Sherlock pause. “Just so you know, when we go out on a case, I’ll be carrying you around in one of those slings for infants so you don’t accidentally get stepped on or hit by a car. I don’t care how embarrassing it looks. I’ll put you down when you have to investigate something.”

“Do I get to pick the sling?”

“Sure.” John snorted. “Can I go back to bed now? We can talk more about this in the morning.”

The robot did another twirl before heading out into the hall. “Goodnight, John.”

“Goodnight, Sherlock.”

**Author's Note:**

> Sherlock's robot brain in a jar body is based off of the [B'omarr Monks of _Star Wars_](http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/B'omarr_Order). I think Sherlock would love being a brain in a jar with them since they're all in search of logic and whatnot.


End file.
